What I learned from my Bar Mitzvah
In Celebration of Rabbi Levine's 60th Bar Mitzvah Anniversary Bo 5776/16 January 2016
A couple of days ago, my cousin and I watched the short movie that was taken during the weekend of my Bar Mitzvah in Cleveland, Ohio, in Jan 1956. I should point out, my cousin lives in LA. As we watched the movie together, we became very aware how it was such a bittersweet moment. The movie is filled with so many of our loved ones that are no longer with us. On the other hand, we were able to once again see our grandmother, my parents and other relatives and friends as the lively and vibrant people that they were.
What I saw in the movie were those people who helped me shape my life and who created an experience for me, that was truly an important milestone. This event ultimately helped direct many of the choices I made later in life – even though I wasn’t aware of that in 1956.
Back then, as I was enjoying the weekend, I was making good on an agreement I made with my father about the Shabbat service. He gave me 2 choices: In both cases, I selected the option that presented the easiest path for me. I chose the week of Parshat Bo, because the Haftorah is shorter than the those of V’erah and Beshalach. And I thought that learning to lead the congregation in Shacharit AND Musaf, would be much easier than writing and delivering a D’var torah.
When my father accepted my preferences. His reaction, was not what I expected. His response was a phrase that he would often repeat – “just think of all the synagogue skills you are developing. You’ll appreciate them later on.” He was so positive that this would be an invaluable educational experience.
I remember thinking – something to the effect of – Yeah sure!
It didn’t take long for me to be proven wrong. At the age of 16, I was hired as an assistant teacher in the Bar Mitzvah preparation program at the Conservative congregation in Cleveland Heights, where my father taught in the Hebrew school. Not only was I able to put those skills to use – I was getting paid.
It was an extensive program – in addition to their Hebrew school classes, the young men had to attend 2 extra days a week, starting a year before their date.
They had to prepare for: leading the Congregation in the Torah service, reading from the Torah, chanting the Haftorah, and some of them led Musaf and more.
On their special Shabbat, they made us proud. For me one of the highlights of the day, came as the Torah was returned to the Ark, The BM would approach the ark to recite a special prayer. No matter how hard we tried, no matter what guidance we gave, each one stood there and in this fashion (Sing-song) said:
Our God, and God of OUR fathers;
On this solemn and sacred day; on this day of my Bar Mitzvah;
I stand before you …….
Unfortunately, I don’t remember the rest of the words.
In thinking back to all those B’nai Mitzvah, it occurred to me that none of them ever questioned the wording of this prayer or why they recited it. Certainly, it was proper, but someone should have asked – what is a “a solemn and sacred day”. Did 13 year old boys really relate to that kind of language?
We their teachers told them – this is part of the ritual – this is what you need to do – so they did it. Maybe we should have paid better attention to today’s Torah reading.
Our parshah instructs us that a child should be taught in a manner that fits his understanding and his capacity to learn. If this sounds familiar, it is because we read in our Pesach Hagadah:
כנגד ארבעה בנים דברה תורה
The Torah alludes to 4 children: One wise, One wicked, One simple, One who does not know how to ask.
The allusions for 3 of them are in Bo – the other is in Devarim.
In chap 12:
והיה כי יאמרו אליכם בניחם, מה העבדה לכם?
“And when your children ask you, ‘what does this service mean to you?’ You shall say, ‘it is the passover sacrifice to the Lord, because he passed over the houses of the Israelites when he smote the Egyptians, but saved our homes.’
In chap 13:
והגדת לבנך ביום ההוא לאמור, בעבור זה עשה ה׳ לי בצאתי ממצרים.
“And you shall explain to your son on that day, ‘it is because of what the Lord did for me when I went free from Egypt.”
Then later in the same chap:
והיה כי ישאלך בנך מחר לאמר מה זאת?
“And tomorrow when, your son asks you, ‘what does this mean?’ you shall say to him. ‘it was with a mighty hand that the Lord brought us out from Egypt, the house of bondage.”
That we give special emphasis on children is not really surprising. Throughout our rabbinic literature, the Rabbis emphasize that much of what we do – is done to peak the interest and the curiosity of the children of all ages.
David Hartman wrote: “Pesach transforms parents into storytellers. It is a very serious task to tell stories. My parents bring me into contact with my historical roots, my grandparents and a world other than me.
“Whether it is relevant, the child will decide; but the parent must witness to a history and a memory. Parents should not determine their children’s future, but they must open for them their past.”
Prof Yosef Agur, of Bar Ilan Univ, in an essay entitled “And you shall tell your Son” points out: The questions asked by the children are portrayed as asked tomorrow – in the future tense, the answers in the Hagadah though, are formulated in the present tense.”
He finds this puzzling. Shouldn’t the text have put the responses in the past tense?
He answers: “It is every father’s task to stimulate his children’s questions, interest and desire to understand. Where questions are posed, it is possible to educate – and to put theory into practice. The heritage expresses itself in action – not memory. It is a day-to-day experiential feeling, an existential reality and a way of life.”
I think this is what my father had in mind.
If I would recite that 1956 BM prayer today, I give thanks to God for all the blessings I’ve received. My health, my wife, Carmie, our 4 children and their spouses, and our 6 grandchildren.
My sister and her family.
All of our relatives and friends who bring friendship, understanding, love and support. For all the wonderful things I see around me – everyone here today, (the sunlight coming in the window), and the smiles on all your faces.
For after all, today is not when I become of age, it is when I become a Seenager – a Senior Teenager
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.
I don’t have to go to school or to work.
I get an allowance every month.
I have my own pad (and iPad).
I don’t have a curfew.
I have a driver’s license and can drive a car – I just don’t own one.
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and all our drugs are prescribed.
Yes, it is a great day.
Tags: Bo, Children, Parent
