On Jewish Sexual Ethics
Reflections/10 October 2016
As Yom Kippur approaches and we engage in heshbon ha-nefesh, accounting for our past behavior, we live with a heightened moral awareness. While questions of morality are always fundamental, at this time of year we are especially sensitive to the impact of our actions and words on our relationships and society at large. In that context, and in light of recent national news, I feel compelled to review a few central Jewish moral principles.
Judaism’s standard of sexual consent is unambiguous: yes means yes. Sexual encounters must begin with each partner’s consent, in the moment, and anything less than explicit consent constitutes sexual assault.[1] Our Torah begins with the premise that all human life is created in the Divine Image;[2] every interaction we have, and especially our intimate relationships, must reflect the intrinsic human dignity of each person.
A person’s fame or power does not in any way mitigate his or her moral obligations. On the contrary, all who live in the public eye bear the additional responsibility of setting a positive moral example for others. In this season of teshuvah, our tradition emphasizes the power of repentance to atone for our past wrongdoing; and yet a person who encourages others to sin, especially a person with the capacity to influence the broad public, can never atone for that sin. Casual joking about sexual assault, in a society where one in six women and one in ten men have experienced a sexual assault,[3] actively diminishes the moral character of our society.
Sexuality is not a taboo subject; as an intrinsic part of mature human life, it must at some point become a topic of conversation – whether between partners, in a counseling setting, or as a part of sex education.[4] The Talmud, however, sets strict boundaries around how and when we talk about sex. So-called “locker room talk” is never appropriate; turning sex into a source of entertainment, joking, or ridicule “defiles the mouth” and constitutes a grave sin.[5]
Judaism understands that our silence in the face of moral outrage amounts to complicity.[6] We must leave no doubt that words and sentiments such as those that came to light this weekend – and all the more so the actions they depict – can never be tolerated by those who hold sacred the teachings of our Torah.
May we be inscribed for life in the year to come,
Rabbi Abe Friedman
[1] Babylonian Talmud, Nedarim 20b, Eiruvin 100b; Maimonides, Laws of Moral Character 5.4, Laws of Forbidden Sexual Relations 21.12; Ramban, Holy Letter, Ch.6; Shulhan Arukh, Orah Hayyim 240.3, Even Ha-Ezer 25.2.
[2] Genesis 1:26-27; cf. the opinion of Ben Azzai, Sifra Kedoshim 2.4.12.
[4] Cf. the story of Rav Kahana under Rav’s bed, Babylonian Talmud, Berakhot 62a: “This is Torah, and I must learn it.”
[5] Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 33a, Ketubot 8b.
[6] Yevamot 87b-88a; cf. Tur, Hoshen Mishpat 81; Shulhan Arukh, Hoshen Mishpat 81.7, 336.1.
