BZBI – A Welcoming Place Filled with Acceptance and Pride for our LGTBQ Community

I’ve had the pleasure of working at BZBI for almost 12 years.  For me, as a non-Jewish person and an open lesbian, BZBI is a very welcoming place.  I’ve had the opportunity to have my son attend the preschool here;  watch many gay and lesbian couples join us and get married here (a few, not enough but we’ve had the weddings!); and, especially to witness two very special members, Elliot Gould and Richard Sinovoi, become a legal couple in the State of PA and the entire USA. 

When I had my wedding last year to my partner (now wife!), our marriage was met with open arms and many congratulations.  Liz and I have been married 1 year and we are together 17 years.  Everyone here has been entirely supportive of me and who I am.

During my years here, I have crossed paths with Elliot and Richard.  While we all may not “know” each-other, I have heard a lot about them; I’ve greeted them at High Holidays in the past; and we’ve spoken at length on the phone.  As my gay brethren and forebears in the fight for equality, they serve as an inspiration to me.

Our office was delighted to receive an email from Richard and Elliot, on the occasion of BZBI’s first, Pride Shabbat, on May 20th.    In their email, they told us:

From this email, I realized that this deserved a further conversation with these gentlemen.  I sent Elliot and Richard a bit about myself and asked them both a series of questions to which they graciously replied.  I asked them about gay life and Jewish acceptance in the 1970’s, 80’s and 90’s in Philadelphia, at BZBI, as well as other synagogues at which they had been members.

In talking with my co-workers we realized that world in which we live now, gay marriage is legally recognized; this was not something that I ever thought would happen.  I asked Richard and Elliot if they ever thought this would happen in their lifetime. 

What follows is Richard Sinovoi’s and Elliot Gould’s story of how they met, what their perception of gay acceptance has been for them, and what being at BZBI has meant for them.

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Richard never “came out”, he just lived his life.  Of course in high school and college, knowing he was different, he did have issues that impacted his life.  In those days, early 60’s, there was very little support for LGBT youth, so like many others of that generation he was on his own as far as making peace with his life.

Elliott was raised in Philadelphia.  He has said many times that he was subjected to bullying as a child.  He was raised in the Conservative movement.  He came out to his parents when he was 18.  His parents, especially his father had difficulty accepting this; the rest of his family was always supportive.  

Elliott’s cousins’ children still call them Uncle Elliott and Uncle Richard.  His one cousin’s son-in-law, along with Richard’s sister-in-law, signed their Ketuba.

Elliott and Richard met 45 years ago, in 1971, on Fire Island, over July 4th weekend. They clicked.  Richard invited Elliot back for a weekend and soon he began coming up to the house Richard was renting every weekend.

Elliot thought Richard was Italian until Richard made him blintzes and the light went on.  Elliot thought Richard’s last name was Savoni, Italian, but it is Sinovoi, big difference!

Autumn of 1971, Richard moved to Philadelphia and worked at Saks Fifth Avenue.  Retailing was pretty much “gay friendly”.  

Elliott was a hairdresser by now.  His father had died when he was 19, and he had to leave college where he was pre-med.  

In 1976, they went on a group trip to Israel.  There were no LGBT groups going there at that time. When they came back, Elliott, more than Richard, felt the great desire to again link up with their faith.  

Living across the street from BZBI, Richard went to see about the cost of joining.  They were welcomed with open arms by the executive director, Irene Parker, who said that since they lived together, they should join as a family.  That’s when they became members at BZBI. From day one the congregation welcomed them totally.  If there was any anti-gay sentiments they never felt it.  They have always belonged as a family with no questions asked.  This is also true of the other two synagogues to which they belonged.

Rabbi Magil and Cantor Purgis were wonderful to them.  When Elliott had surgery on his throat and came back into synagogue that Friday, they will never forget the rabbi saying:

Richard says:

In 2000, the Reform movement announced that there was holiness in all partnerships, and began performing same gender marriages.

Rabbi Stone wanted to perform the ceremony, but there might have been issues, so they opted to go to Rodeph Shalom.  Rabbi Stone has always been in the fore front of human and gay rights and they were disappointed that he could not marry them.  The congregation at Rodelph Shalom was very welcoming but they found that Reform Judaism was not really to their liking.

In 2006, when the Conservative movement recognized gay and lesbian unions as marriages, they came back to BZBI.  Again, they were welcomed wholly and lovingly by the congregation.

In 2014, they were living in Mexico; they came to Philadelphia just as same gender marriage was approved in PA.  They called Rabbi Stone, and of course he very happily officiated.  It was thrilling for them to have their rabbi of so many years, perform their wedding ceremony.

For both of them, their Jewish identity has never been in conflict with their lives as gay men.  

The Reform, Conservative and Reconstructionist movements have all made so many strides in the last years it has become much easier for the LGBT community to be accepted.  There are LGBT synagogues that one can join although Richard and Elliott’s’ experiences have never made them feel that they should limit themselves, either as Jews or as gay men.

In response to my query about Leviticus, Richard’s answer was as follows:

As their rabbi in Ventnor once said:

The world is a much better place today than it was when they were younger.  There is greater acceptance of LGBT people although more work has to be done. Elliot and Richard celebrate their joy and recognize the importance of fighting for equal rights. 

Tags: American History, LGBTQ, Philadelphia